I’m on a two week slide, but last week I feel as if everyone took a beating. Aaron Rodgers joined JJ Watt and Odell Beckham Jr on the superstar IR. But the Packers weren’t the only team to leave gamblers disappointed as the Falcons, Broncos, Bucs, Chiefs and Pats all let me down last week with sub-par performances. Although, the Pats just aren’t as good as we’re used to (not yet anyways) and the Steelers are just a bad match-up for the Chiefs (and while the Chiefs are a bad match-up for the Pats). But this crazy season continued with 8 road teams winning games, while underdogs last went 10-4 last week and are 53-36-1 this season…..WTF. But this week I promise to take note of the dogs. Even with all that, the NFL is just messed up right now. Mitch Trubisky threw for 112 yards, Jarred Goff threw for 120, Eli threw for 128 and Jay Cutler threw for 150 yards….AND THEY ALL WON. In fact the NFL is so screwed up that Alex Smith is the favorite right now to win MVP…its true…look it up.
HOME TEAMS IN CAPS
Chiefs -3 over RAIDERS
So after reading all of those stats, you might be wondering…..WHY DIDN’T YOU TAKE THE UNDERDOG AND THE POINTS!!!! I don’t really have a great answer, but going into the game I thought the things the Chiefs did well on offence were easier to do on a short week, than the things the Raiders do. Also Oakland was basically in shambles after losing at home to the lowly Chargers on Sunday and so I was ok with taking KC to win by more than 3. And in a way…. I was right….and then wrong….and then right….and then wrong again….which only makes sense if you caught the end of the game
The Raiders saved their season (for now), but Marshawn Lynch put a hold on his, in this episode of “When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong”. But the real issue here is, it allows dudes like this guy to get their “racist hot takes off”
Trust me, I’m for not here to get into the whole “thug” debate cause its not worth my time. I’m also smart enough to know that people aren’t “all good” or “all bad”….and so how can I get mad at a pro athlete who instinctively was defending his teammate, gets ejected, goes to watch the game in the stands and then takes the subway home.
Also for those who don’t know, Chiefs DB Marcus Peters is also Marshawn Lynch’s cousin. Marshawn decided to join in with some Raiders fans to troll his cousin on the ride home.
I know he’s rough around the edges, but how can you not love Marshawn Lynch? Side note, if you still haven’t seen his show on Facebook you’re really missing out.
RAMS -3.5 over Cards (IN LONDON)
I’m not buying into the Adrian Peterson love fest. But shout out to my boy Dwayne who somehow predicted on Saturday night that AP would rush for 100 yards in his first game in Arizona. It was a cool story for one day, but the dream season ends here as the Rams defensive front is REAL. Carson Palmer will be under pressure all day as Los Angeles leads the league with 7 different players with multiple sacks. Not good news for the already struggling Cards O-line, as Palmer has been hit 55 times this season to lead the NFL. While on offence, the Rams are atop the NFL at 29.5 points per game. They also lead the league with 28 passing plays of 20 or more yards, which is bad news for a Cardinal defense that has given up 5 passing touchdowns of at least 20 yards…which once again….leads the league. Despite this game being in London, a win will go a long way in proving the Rams are ready for the LA spotlight….much like this guy
Of note, if you’re still getting mad at Lavar Ball….then you’re the problem. Just sit back and laugh…or don’t watch. But its like pro wrestling, where there’s the “babyface” and the “heel”….and Lavar is purposely playing the role of the heel. So as long as people keep falling for it and giving him a reaction, both he and media platforms will continue to play the game.
VIKINGS -5.5 over Ravens
The Vikings are a tough team to root for. Back to back years they got off to great starts and have so much promise only to then be decimated by injuries. Yet somehow, even without Cook and Diggs (Sounds like a 70’s buddy cop movie no?) they remain in the mix in the NFC North thanks to Aaron Rogers’ injury, the Bears being the Bears and the inconsistent Lions, being the inconsistent Lions. Plus I will always bet on defense and the Vikings have held teams to under 20 points in 5 out of their 6 games this season.
Panthers -3 over BEARS
I almost took the Bears because of this whole “take the underdog” thing, especially at home. But then I came across the fact that Cam’s 3 worst games have been at home this season. Now that’s super strange and I don’t have an explanation for it at all. But if I’m wrong for taking Carolina on the road this Sunday, you will most likely be able to point to the fact the Panthers have allowed 10 touchdown passes and 0 interceptions over their last 4 games, with QB’s averaging 111 passer rating. So Mr. Trubisky, this could be your time to shine…I’m just not willing to bet on it yet due to your 48.8 completion percentage.
COLTS +3 over Jags
Bortles vs Brissett….I’m just gonna take the home dog and the points here….and never think about this game ever again. But I will use this opportunity to fill some space with one of my favorite segments on TNT and maybe a glimpse into the future of Blake Bortles…..”Who He Play For”
Saints -5.5 over PACKERS
Who is this team wearing New Orleans Saints uniforms? Their defense has 9 takeaways over their 3 game winning streak. They’ve also been running the ball 31 times a game over that same span. But the real reason I’m on the Saints is, since 1992 the Packers have played 9 games without a QB not named Aaron Rodgers or Brett Favre. So I’m sorry but Brett Hundley is going to have to show me something before I’m rooting for him on a back door cover. Side note isn’t this a nice picture of a young Colin Kaepernick?
No, I’m not saying the Packers should sign Colin Kaepernick….I just wanted an excuse to remind you that he will NOT BE SIGNED BY ANYONE THIS SEASON BECAUSE HE’S BEING BLACK BALLED BY NFL OWNERS. So can we all just stop pretending already….thanks.
Jets +3 over DOLPHINS
The Dolphins are 3-2 despite never scoring more than 20 points in a game this season. Meanwhile the Jets are pesky. They probably should have beaten Tom Brady and the Patriots and so how am I not gonna take the points against Jay Cutler…who has won the last 2 games while throwing for 92 and 151 yards respectively. Plus, this Yankees run has NYC HOT right now just ask ARod
Or the hosts of the NUMBER ONE SHOW IN LATE NIGHT….and their new friend.
BILLS -3 over Bucs
With or without Jameis I’m on the Bills in this game, especially coming off a bye week. I could also see Jameis tweaking something again and Ryan Fitzpatrick throwing 3 picks in front of #BillsMafia for old times sake….
Titans – 5.5 over BROWNS
Shout out to the Titans for their incredible late game cover on Monday night. I appreciate you, I really do and because of it I’m going to ride with Tennessee again as they should be able to beat the Browns by a TD. Side note, if you bet against the Browns ATS over the last two years you would be 17-4-1….SO WHY HAVEN’T I BEEN TAKING WHO EVER THEY’RE PLAYING AGAINST IN MY SURVIVOR POOL EACH AND EVERY WEEK?!?!?! Staying in “The Land” lets check in on America’s favorite comedic duo “LeBron & Dwyane”
NINERS +6 over Cowboys
The Niners have played 3 straight road games, which never normally happens in the NFL. They’ve lost 5 straight games by 3 points or less and are a CRAZY 5-1 against the spread this season. So of course I’m taking them to keep this one close, even with them handing the keys over to rookie C. J. Beathard. I mean he can’t be that much worse than Hoyer right? Plus in their last 4 games the Cowboys defense has allowed 11 passing touchdowns compared to 1 interception. While the Niners offense is tied with the Eagles for the league lead with 14 drives of at least 10 plays. Sticking with the Bay Area, did you happen to see “Fake Klay Thompson” at the Warriors game this week? Somehow, he was able to convince these “fans” that Klay Thompson would be walking around town pregame in his uniform…..shout out to #Merica
Bengals +6 over STEELERS
Vontaze Burfict vs the Steelers, I mean what could go wrong here????
The Steelers are tied for the 2nd most sacks in the NFL with 20 and their offence has put up 397 yards on average over the last 3 games. But I just feel as if these games are always close and somehow, someway the Bengals will manage to keep it under a touchdown.
Broncos +1.5 over CHARGERS
I saw way too much Brock Osweiler last week and so I hope Trevor Siemian is ok. But even with Siemian, Denver’s offence is average at best. The Broncos have lost both games in which they’ve allowed at least 21 points. The Giants basically said, “beat us with your QB” if you’re going to win and they couldn’t do it. The problem is, the Chargers defense isn’t the Giants defense. Plus, look for Denver’s D to give Phillip Rivers trouble all day as they allow the second fewest yards per play in the NFL. Another star that at one point moved to LA with the hopes of winning big was Chris Paul. This week CP3 released a documentary about his off season decision to leave the Clippers and head to Houston….and for some reason (and trust me as a Hova stan, I’m not complaining at all) Jay Z was there….
Seahawks – 5.5 over GIANTS
Speaking of the Giants, I still have yet to hear an explanation as to what happened on Sunday night football. I’m willing to write it off as a fluke, because at best this season will end up as one of those classic 6-10 years. Which as one of my friends who happens to be a Giants fan reminded me…..”its like that scene in The Wire about 40 degree days”
Falcons +3.5 over PATRIOTS
SUPER BOWL REMATCH!!!!! The Falcons have gone from the Super Bowl, to being super weird and could very easily be 1-4 this season. While for the Pats, the offence isn’t the problem as they lead the NFL with 4 different players with over 20 catches and 300 yards. But their defense is horrible, they’ve given up at least 400 total yards and at least 300 passing yards in every game this season. But maybe the scariest stat of them all is Josh McCown threw for 354 yards against them last Sunday. Again….Josh McCown…354 yards. So get some Matt Ryan….GET SOME.
EAGLES -4.5 over Washington
I think this is the best game of the week and they could be the two best teams in the NFC (don’t @ me). I’m taking Philly because of Carson Wentz. He showed me something last week against the Panthers on the road with a brilliant performance in prime time. Meanwhile, Washington almost lost to my Niners….and they’ve already lost to the Eagles this season. So in honor of Philly…..hopefully my picks are more like Joel Embiid….
and less like Megyn Kelly…
Get it……. #HappyShmoneyDancing
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