NFL FIX – DIVISIONAL ROUND

russ-future

Seahawks +5 over FALCONS

So there was a story about how the Falcons stadium DJ planned on playing full Future sets pregame in order to mess with Seahawks QB Russell Wilson.  For those who don’t know, Russell Wilson’s wife is R&B singer Ciara.  Ciara used to be engaged to Atlanta rapper Future and they had a baby together…also named Future.  Of note, Rapper Future’s real name is Nayvadius DeMun Wilburn, while Baby Future’s real name is…Future #WeHaveToDoBetter.  Anyways, Falcons fans tried to take this a step further by making a petition to have Future sing the national anthem before the game.  Besides the fact that under no circumstances should the national anthem ever be auto-tuned, this is a horrible idea.

In fact things got so bad, Falcons head coach Dan Quinn actually had to answer questions about Future.

Now first off, no one will be able to convince me that Dan Quinn knew anything about Future’s music this time last week.  Not sure how much Mr. Quinn likes to “Fuck Up Some Commas” during his spare time.  Although now that I think about it, he did used to coach in Seattle.  Which means he might have been aware of Future because of Russ.  Either way my point is, I still don’t think he has “Dirty Sprite” on his Apple Music playlist.

But here’s my take.  This is super lame on all levels.  I mean, how is that a diss to Russ if he’s the one that is actually married to Ciara?  Also, if one was to have another dude raise your son, you could do a lot worse than Russell Wilson.  Russ seems like such a cornball, but a cornball who would do a great job at being a step dad.  Also, who am I to call Russell Wilson a cornball…again HE’S MARRIED TO CIARA.  Back in the day I got to cover the NBA All-Star game in LA.  There was a red carpet event pregame and I had the pleasure of interviewing Ciara.  First off she is STUNNING in real life.  Legit beautiful.  As she made her way down the red carpet, I saw my chance to grab an interview and so I said “Hello, my name is Sheldon from (former unnamed employer here) in Canada, Can I ask you a couple questions?”.  She then says in nicest, softest, sweetest voice ever…. “Hi Sheldon, from Canada.  I’m Ciara. Of course, its very nice to meet you” as she reaches out and shakes my hand.  No gas, I promise you I’m not boosting at all, but she had by far the softest hands I’ve ever felt in my life.  I have no idea what special brand kind of Keri Lotion she uses, but I almost melted right there on the spot while I stuttered a response of “ahhh…its…ahhh very nice to meet you too”.  Again I swear I almost fainted right there on the spot, because I was so mesmerized.  She was super nice.  But I was somehow able to quickly snap out of it and regroup and got the answers that I needed for my story.

It was honestly amazing, such a great experience.  So, I guess what I’m trying to say here is, I’m taking the Seahawks because Ciara has the worlds softest hands.  Well that and I’ll take Seattle’s battle tested championship D vs Atlanta’s history of choking in the playoffs.  Also, Atlanta already won a trophy this year.

If you’re unfamiliar with Migos and “Bad and Boujee” please take 5 minutes and 34 seconds to enjoy.  Also please note, this video was posted on YouTube on October 31st, 2016 and it has almost 104 MILLION VIEWS #ThisIsHipHopIn2017

And oh yeah, Donald wasn’t joking…he really does like “Bad and Boujee”

PATRIOTS -15 over Texans

Now, if you’ve been with me all season (yes I’m talking to the 30 of you loyal folks out there LOL #AppreciateYallFoReal) then you know my rule has been to not take teams to win by double digits.  But here’s the problem, I watched that Texans game last week and they let Connor Cook hang around for a lot longer than Connor Cook should have been able to hang around.  Plus that was a Raiders team with the most wack ass gameplan that I’ve ever seen.  Meanwhile this week the Texans face Tom Brady and Bill Belichick and I’m guessing they’ll be ready.  I don’t even think the Pats will have to try that hard, but yet this game will come down to your boy Brock playing against second stringers for that ever popular backdoor cover.  Yet, I’m still gonna ride with Brady because its just that time of year.

Steelers +1.5 over CHIEFS

Miami looked horrible last week.  The Steelers crushed them and they made it look so easy. They didn’t do anything complicated.  They ran screen passes and simple run plays and Bell and Brown just busted them wide open for big plays.  Some might even say “Business is BOOMIN” for Pittsburgh.  Big Ben is even doing his normal “let’s try to play up how hurt I am” narrative heading into the game.  Meanwhile, as a Niners fan…I will never….EVER be able to put money on Alex Smith in the playoffs.  I would rather lose, than bet on Mr. Check-down and Andy Reid.

COWBOYS -4.5 over Packers

Yes Beckham dropped a couple passes (including a TD), but that game was over when Randall Cobb caught a hail mary pass without having to jump.  I’m sorry, I get it.  Aaron Rodgers has completed more than a few big time hail marys over the years, but a hail mary is not a skill.  I blame the defense each and every time.  Under no circumstances should a team be able to score on a Hail Mary play. What happened to the days when teams would put their top receivers back to play DB for the last second hail mary.  Who else would be better to catch jump balls, than the guys whose job it is to catch jump balls.  Anyways, the legend of Aaron Rodgers continues…but it won’t last week.  The Cowboys just need to run the ball #LetZekeCook, control the clock which keeps Rodgers on the bench and when Rodgers is on the field YOU HAVE TO GET A PASS RUSH.  The Giants did that early and then they just fell apart.  Hopefully the Dallas’s coaching staff spent the week building a game plan and not in Miami on a boat rocking Tims.

Wild Card weekend wasn’t too good to me, but as always…looking to turn things around this week.

Also, I too would like to thank “The Migos”

WILD CARD WEEKEND: 1-3

REGULAR SEASON: 120-110-10

Don’t forget to check out our podcast in all forms, both video and audio by clicking this link: https://onblastpodcast.wordpress.com/category/the-live-show/

@ShelAlexander

#OnBlast

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