R. Kelly’s New Album Is Called “Black Panties”


“She’s also wearing black panties” – R.

Honestly, R. Kelly is the only dude that could get away with an album title/cover like that right? He recently performed a “Black Panties Album Medley” on Jimmy Kimmel…enjoy.  (And shout out to 2 Chainz, keep cashing them cheques, homey.)

I mean, my dude is pretending to play the violin on a girl’s shoulder…why?  Who knows, but for the record other tracks that are set to be on “Black Panties” include: “Legs Shaking”, “Cookie”, “Throw Money On You” and of course “Marry The Pussy”.  Mr. Kelly claims to have come up with the title for this album after a concert in which a women threw her “medium sized black panties” on stage.  They landed directly on his arm and so he took this as “a sign”…thus we have “Black Panties”.  Makes sense total right.  Then again, should we really be surprised? This is a man that made a song comparing a girl to his Jeep and somehow made it sound sexy. That’s some BS right there. But the thing is, I can never tell if he’s being serious with his antics; the Zorro masks or weird ass jerseys etc. Or if he’s actually in on the joke himself.

Either way, the fact remains that there is only one Robert Sylvester Kelly (I had no idea that was his middle name either, but tell me that doesn’t make him even more AMAZING).  The dude just makes GREAT MUSIC.  No R&B singer of our generation even comes close to the hits that Kellz has in his catalogue.  Think about having the range of “Bump and Grind” to “I Believe I Can Fly” to “Fiesta” to “Step in the Name of Love”.  The man has hits for days, while at the same time being one of the weirdest characters out there.  From the whole “Trapped in the Closet” series, to his very strange performance with Lady Gaga recently; to fact that if you google “R.Kelly” (and actually hit enter) the first thing that comes up is something called an “R.Kelly Panty Gram” with a sub heading that reads Create and share your Panty Gram in celebration of R. Kelly’s new album, ‘Black Panties’. Available 12/10.”

I couldn’t make that up if I tried and that in fact is what makes R.Kelly one of a kind.  His musical genius combined with that strange twist of being insanely unique.  Honestly what the fuck does “Thoia Thoing” mean?  I don’t know.  But what I do know is that “Move you body like a snake Ma” used to get the girls hype at the club (think circa the “Sean-Ah-Paul” era).  Plus, I know I’m not the only one to ever check into a hotel and yell “We Got Room Keys”.  That’s the thing about R.Kelly.  One second he can turn the club out with song like “I’m a Flirt” and then make a comeback like he did a few years ago with a serious R&B track like this:

And to think, Trey Songs actually tried to bring talks to Robert Kelly.  That deserves a serious “C’Mon Man”.

Anyways, I was reminded of the true greatness of R.Kelly’s music because I was out on the weekend and “Ignition – Remix” came on.  I haven’t heard that song in a club in YEARS.  But as soon as “Usually I don’t do this but ah…” came over the speakers, the whole club went crazy.  It was louder than it was for any other banger that was played that night (sorry Mr. Chainz).  But the thing is, the Ignition Remix came out in 2003!!!  I don’t know anyone who doesn’t love that song and to be honest even if I did, I don’t think that I would want to be friends with those people anyways. That song will forever be a weekend party anthem with everyone singing along to “Sippin on coke and rum, I’m like so what I’m drunk…” you know the rest….but that’s what makes R.Kelly’s AMAZING.  Everyone wanted to hate him after the whole “Alleged” sex tape/peeing incident took place, but once he came back out and dropped Ignition – Remix…it was a wrap.  It’s like that Chris Rock bit where he talks about the fact that Michael Jackson was so good, that we all let the first kid slide (terrible, I know…but on some level so true.)

Fun fact, did you know that over 10, 000 people signed a petition to make the Ignition Remix the new American National Anthem? 

Now that’s ridiculous and maybe, you think I’m an idiot for spending this much time on “Kellz, from Chi-town” but as his new album drops this Tuesday…maybe his true greatness was summed up perfectly a while ago in this Aziz Ansari stand up.

As always, just my thoughts…right or wrong, just how I’m feeling at the time.  
#OnBlast #BlackPanties


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